


Until My Last Breath (Never Ever Gonna Give It Up)

by artikgato



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Brainwashing, Brief Mention of Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Out, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Temporary Character Death, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 12:32:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15388827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artikgato/pseuds/artikgato
Summary: He saw the light leave Souji’s eyes, and he panicked. He panicked so hard that he felt the baseline of the voice in the back of his head just kind of snap, and Namatame’s mind control broke, all of the awful sounds and smells and colors of battle coming back into focus for him all at once, and it was almost overwhelming, but not as overwhelming as the sheer urgency of saving Souji.





	Until My Last Breath (Never Ever Gonna Give It Up)

**Author's Note:**

> Two years ago, I wrote a fic that briefly touched on what might have been the fallout of Yosuke hurting Souji while he was under Shadow Namatame's mind control. I always kind of wanted to explore that a little more in-depth and boy, did I ever. Please heed the warnings! There is a lot of blood in this one! Souji dies! Yosuke dies! BUT THEY GET BETTER. I couldn't actually write a bad ending to save my own life, I think.

“ke…”

Yosuke felt weird. What was going on? He felt like he was dreaming, floating in a haze. Wait, was that his name? Who was he?

“...ease...snap out of...please…”

Who was talking to him? It sounded familiar, like a voice he heard all the time. Who was it? Why couldn’t he remember? It was someone important to him. He was sure of that...well, as sure as he could be about anything, when his mind felt so full of fog. He couldn’t see anything, couldn’t feel anything.

“Yosuke, please!”

_Pain_. All of a sudden, he was in so much pain. His head was full of a screaming, tearing pain. He could suddenly feel all of his limbs, and they were all so sore. He could feel them, but he couldn’t move them, and that was making him panic. But the panic felt oddly muted underneath the screaming pain, and the sudden mantra of thoughts that he could hear in the back of his head, almost like a baseline, that were most certainly not his own.

“ _Kill him kill him kill him kill him”_

Who was that talking? And who was he supposed to be killing, and why?

“Partner-” he heard, and all of a sudden his thoughts slipped back into place, and he blinked his eyes open.

Souji was underneath him, and he looked terrified. He’d never seen him look like that, and he instantly hated it. It took him a few moments to realize _why_ he looked so terrified, because there was a kunai at his throat, starting to slice into the pale skin in fact, and it was one of Yosuke’s kunai, and Yosuke’s hand was attached to it, and where was his other hand? Oh, it was holding down one of Souji’s hands for some reason, with strength that Yosuke was _sure_ he didn’t actually possess.

He was pressing down. With the kunai. _Why was he pressing down with the kunai?_ Why couldn’t he _stop_?

“Souji,” he managed to grit out between teeth that he wasn’t in any way actually trying to clench. “I-I can’t…”

_“Kill him kill him kill him”_

Souji looked aghast, staring up at him pale and terrified. Yosuke felt the strength in Souji’s hand, the one that was keeping Yosuke’s kunai from slicing completely into his neck, start to give.

“Nononono,” Yosuke whispered, and he couldn’t move his arms, couldn’t stop his hand from pressing _down_. “No, please, I don’t want to do this-”

“Yosuke?” Souji asked, and it was barely a whisper, because the kunai was pressing into his windpipe now, oh _god_.

“ _Kill him kill him kill him kill him”_

There were tears landing on Souji’s cheeks now, for some reason, but he wasn’t crying - oh. That was Yosuke.

“H-help,” Yosuke whimpered, and he wasn’t sure who he was asking, really, because his memory was coming back to him as he heard footsteps approaching from behind. That would be Chie and Yukiko, likely being controlled by Namatame. He wanted to protect Souji, _he needed to protect Souji_ , but his body wasn’t listening to him, and he just kept pressing down and down and down. Little pools of blood were forming from the cut he’d already made in Souji’s neck, and Yosuke just wanted to _stop_.

All of a sudden he felt a foot come down on his back and all of his air was forced out of his lungs, and he felt like he couldn’t breathe, like he’d never be able to breathe again, because the kunai sank into Souji’s neck. He saw the shock in Souji’s eyes, felt him try to thrash, heard the gurgling way he tried to breathe.

_“Kill him kill him kill him”_

Then, he saw the light leave Souji’s eyes, and he _panicked_ . He panicked so hard that he felt the baseline of the voice in the back of his head just kind of _snap_ , and Namatame’s mind control broke, all of the awful sounds and smells and colors of battle coming back into focus for him all at once, and it was almost overwhelming, but not as overwhelming as the sheer urgency of saving Souji.

With a panic-induced surge of strength he threw Chie’s foot off of him and threw away the kunai, letting go of Souji’s now-limp hand and pushing himself up.

“No no no, Souji, Partner, Souji _please_ -” he babbled as he pressed his hands against Souji’s bleeding neck and cast a Diarama, praying that it would be enough to keep him alive. He felt heat to his left and only barely managed to put his body between Souji and the sudden wave of fire from Yukiko, shouting as the flames seared across his back. Souji wasn’t moving. Another Diarama spell. The wound had closed. A booted foot came down aimed at Souji’s neck, but Yosuke caught it on his forearm, screaming as he felt the bone break. It was fine, he could heal that later, but Souji, Souji was-

Souji was breathing. He was coughing and reaching for his neck in a panic. A little blood trickled out of his mouth, and Yosuke realized that he was going to choke on his own blood if he stayed on his back, so he grabbed his shoulder - with the broken arm, _ouch_ \- and rolled Souji onto his side, tucking him protectively against his chest and managing, somehow, to block another kick from Chie.

“Chie, stop-” he choked out, his plea turning into a yelp as he felt another blast of fire from behind. “Y-Yukiko-” He felt the very real threat of death set in, but it was fine, it was _fine_ , they could revive him, but he had to keep Souji alive, he _had_ to. Souji was still coughing, but he was managing to take deep, wheezing breaths between coughs, and that was enough. All of a sudden, there was a sharp pain in his shoulder, then his head, and then darkness. 

* * *

 "Yosuke!” a sharp cry pierced the darkness, and he felt himself suddenly take a breath, and it hurt, it hurt _so much_ , everything hurt so much-

A wash of gentle warmth, and the pain receded to just a sharp ache, it still hurt but it wasn’t unbearable, it wasn’t the only thing he could think of.

“Yosuke, talk to me, please Partner _please_ ,” the voice from before was saying, and now that he wasn’t in too much pain to think he realized it was Souji’s voice, and he sounded so scared and desperate that he had to respond.

“Hurts,” he mumbled, blinking his eyes open. That was a mistake, because everything was so _bright._ But Souji’s face was above him, and he looked pale and terrified, and were those tears on his cheeks?

“Yukiko, can you help me?” Souji asked, raising his face a little to look at someone that Yosuke couldn’t see.

“Y-yes!” he heard Yukiko gasp, and then her face appeared in his field of vision, upside-down above him, and there was another wave of soothing warmth, the pain dulling once again. He felt sore all over, and both of his arms and shoulder in particular still hurt a _lot_ , but it cleared his mind a little bit.

“Thanks,” he managed to croak out. Souji wasn’t crying now, but he still looked so distraught, and in Yosuke’s pained haze he just wanted to comfort him, and raised his hand to cup his cheek. Or he tried to at least, but as soon as he tried to lift his hand he very painfully remembered that the bone had been broken. And then he remembered _why_.

“Partner, are you okay?” he asked, eyes darting to his neck. There was no trace of the cut - if he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes, felt the cut as he healed it, he would have thought it had all just been a nightmare but, no, it had happened. The way Souji reached for his throat was proof enough. The dried blood all over his neck and chest was proof enough.

“Don’t worry about me,” Souji replied, still looking concerned. “You still can’t move your arms, can you?”

“What happened to Namatame?” Yosuke asked, deflecting the question. If they’d already healed him _twice_ and it still hurt too much to move his arms, he didn’t want to think about what that meant.

“We got him,” Souji assured, as Yukiko pressed another healing spell into his skin. “We just need to get you healed up and then we’ll all get out of here.”

“Nanako?” Yosuke asked, as he felt the pain his arms start to recede. He was fairly sure he could move them now, at least.

“She’s…” Souji started, and looked to his left. Yosuke tried to follow his line of sight, sitting up a little, and he felt pain spreading up his back, heard Yukiko gasp in horror, but ignored it in favor of looking for Nanako. He found her almost immediately, cradled in Chie’s arms, unconscious but looking unharmed. Kanji was standing next to her, holding Namatame’s unconscious form with his arms locked around the unconscious man’s armpits, looking equal parts exhausted and disgruntled.

“D-don’t move, Yosuke-kun,” Yukiko said, and he felt her press an oddly cold hand gently against his back. Directly onto _skin_ , which _immediately_ made him wince in pain.

“What the heck?” he asked, and started to twist around to try to see his back, but Souji shot an arm out and grabbed him by the shoulder to stop him. That made him grunt in pain, the strong hand clamping onto the shoulder that he was becoming more and more sure had been broken.

“No sudden movements,” Souji chastised, and though his tone was firm, Yosuke heard the way his voice wavered. “You got hurt... _really_ hurt, protecting me.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” he replied, hissing in pain as he felt Yukiko press her other hand into his back, and then the stinging, burning pain felt like it almost got washed away with another healing spell.

“Do you think you’re healed enough to stand, Yosuke-kun?” Yukiko asked. He flexed the muscles in his thighs and moved his arms, and they felt sore, like he’d been working out for several hours, but otherwise fine.

“Yeah,” he grunted, moving to stand up. Souji stood and offered him a hand, pulling him up. It hurt, but it was bearable. As soon as it looked like he could stand on his own, Souji let go of his hand and started unbuttoning his jacket. “Uh...what are you doing, Partner?”

“We can’t go through Junes with your coat the way it is,” Souji explained, and Yosuke blinked, finally twisting to try to see behind him.

His jacket, and the shirt underneath, were essentially _gone_ in the back. There was a huge chunk of the fabric missing, and a nasty-looking burned area underneath.

“I-I’m so sorry, Yosuke-kun,” Yukiko pleaded, when he gasped at the sight. “I didn’t mean to, I was being controlled, I-”

“It’s fine,” Yosuke replied, shrugging the sleeves and remaining scraps of his jacket and shirt off, wincing at the way it made the newly-healed flesh pull. “I was controlled too. I get it.”

“But I-” she started to argue, but he just shook his head. Souji held out his jacket to Yosuke, and he slipped it on without a word, wincing at the way it scratched at the skin on his back. He’d be feeling that for a few weeks, if not longer. No wonder Yukiko’s normally warm hands had felt like ice on his back.

“What about you, Partner?” Yosuke asked, gesturing to the ring of dried blood that had soaked into the collar of Souji’s white shirt.

“...I don’t know,” Souji admitted.

“You can borrow mine, Sempai,” Kanji called, and Souji nodded to him, turning back to Yosuke.

“Need help walking?” Souji asked, and Yosuke shook his head.

“I don’t think so,” he replied, but Souji and Yukiko still hovered around him anyway, concern etched into their faces, as they made their way over to the group. Teddie nearly launched himself at Yosuke, crying, but Souji managed to intercept him. Rise, Kanji and Naoto all looked concerned for him, too, and Chie wouldn’t even look at him. Kanji had to drop Namatame for a few moments to take off his jacket and hand it over to Souji. He looked weird with it buttoned up all the way, Yosuke found himself thinking. Souji made his way over to Chie and wordlessly took Nanako from her.

“Alright, let’s get out of here, quick,” Souji replied, and everyone nodded. 

* * *

 Hours later - which had felt like _days_ to Yosuke - the group of them were standing in a circle in the hospital lobby. They were all exhausted, that much was evident. They were all reluctant to leave Souji alone, too, but after a few too many yawns from Rise and the way Naoto was swaying on her feet, they reluctantly decided to call it a night. The three underclassmen left, taking Teddie with them, and leaving the second-years standing behind in front of the hospital. Yukiko turned to leave too, after asking both Souji and Yosuke if they were really all right. Chie started to follow, but stopped in her tracks and turned back to Yosuke with a sigh.

“Hey, listen, I know I was being controlled and all, but I’m really sorry, Yosuke,” she started. He held up a hand and started to tell her that it was fine, but she just ignored him. “I...I know we have our differences a lot and I usually resort to kicking you when you piss me off, but I’ll never do it again, okay? I, I don’t-”

“Hey, it’s fine, Chie. I usually deserve it,” Yosuke said, with a laugh. He balked at the stricken look on her face. “Heh, it must have been pretty bad, then.”

“Both of your arms were broken,” Yukiko said, quietly. She’d walked up to stand beside Chie, a hand on one of her shoulders, evidently to support her. Chie was biting her lip. “And possibly your right shoulder. Thank goodness I still had enough energy to heal you.”

“Thanks for that,” Yosuke replied, but Yukiko shook her head.

“I...your back. Even after healing it so many times, it still looked so bad. I’m so, so sorry,” she explained. He just waved it off.

“You were being controlled by that sick bastard Namatame. I know, I was too. I…” he trailed off, looking over at Souji, helplessly, who was silently watching the three of them. “I...almost killed Partner. I think I actually _did_. So I get it, really. I’m not holding it against either of you.”

“You were _dead_ ,” Yukiko whispered, sounding disturbed. “When I came to my senses, you weren’t breathing, and you were cold, and Souji-kun was panicking, and Chie was still…”

“Hey, hey, it’s fine now,” Chie said, reaching up to squeeze the hand on her shoulder, prompting Yukiko to look over at her.

“We all made it out alive,” Souji finally said. “We’re all alive, that’s all that matters.”

“Yeah,” Yukiko agreed. She turned to Chie, who nodded at her, and looked back up at the two of them. “Be careful tonight, both of you. And make sure you get plenty of sleep.”

“Be careful going home,” Souji answered.

“Good night!” Yosuke called after them, as the two of them turned to leave. He huffed out a sigh, and turned to Souji, who was already looking at him. “So, uh, I guess I should go home too, right?”

“I suppose I should too,” Souji replied, looking back at the hospital doors. “I don’t think they’d let me sleep in the waiting room.”

“You should sleep in a futon,” Yosuke agreed. Souji nodded and, hesitantly, started off through the cold winter night toward his house, Yosuke falling into step beside him.

If Yosuke was being completely honest with himself, he didn’t want Souji to be alone, and he didn’t want to be alone either. Not after what had happened between them. He knew Souji didn’t blame him for it, of course, but it didn’t stop him from feeling guilty anyway.

“Yosuke,” Souji piped up, after a few minutes of walking in silence.

“Yeah, Partner?” Yosuke asked, voice quiet.

“...never mind,” Souji replied, after a moment. “It’s nothing.”

“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” Yosuke blurted out. The tense look that had been on Souji’s face melted away, and he gave a little relieved sigh.

“If you don’t mind,” he answered. “Thanks, Yosuke.”

“Yeah, no problem Partner,” Yosuke replied, with an easy smile. “To be honest, I didn’t want to leave you alone anyway.”

“Do you need anything from your house?” Souji asked.

“Nah, just let me borrow something to sleep in and I’m good,” Yosuke answered, and Souji nodded. Truthfully, he did kind of want to go get some pajamas, or at least his toothbrush or _something_ , but he didn’t think that either of them had the energy to go all the way to his house and then back to Souji’s place.

They walked in companionable silence the rest of the way, though Souji did pause and take a shaky breath seeing the police tape around the Dojima household. The door was closed and the lights were off, but when they stepped inside the signs of the struggle that had taken place were there. Souji stood frozen in the doorway, so Yosuke just wordlessly scooted past him inside, closing the door behind him, and moving Nanako’s shoes to where they were supposed to be. He took his own shoes off and made his way into the kitchen and turned on the light, hearing Souji taking his own shoes off.

“I don’t know what to do,” Souji admitted, watching as Yosuke made himself busy by cleaning up the dishes on the table and in the sink.

“I don’t either,” Yosuke admitted. “I’m just...I’m glad we all made it out alive.”

“Yeah,” Souji agreed, stepping closer to Yosuke. He reached out, slowly, and when Yosuke didn’t protest he gently put his hand on Yosuke’s shoulder. It did hurt a little still, but Yosuke didn’t shrug him off. “Listen, I really need to thank you for protecting me back there. If you hadn’t, I don’t think any of us would have made it out.”

“Any time, Partner,” Yosuke replied, voice quiet. “But you’re giving me way too much credit. I mean, I’m the reason that you...you were…” He couldn’t make the words come out around the huge lump in his throat. _Dead, you were dead_.

“Yosuke…” Souji said. They stood there for a while, Yosuke biting his lip and adamantly not looking at Souji, and the only sound was the ticking of a clock nearby and their quiet breathing. Yosuke noticed that, even after all of the healing, Souji’s breaths were still the tiniest bit ragged, and something inside him just _broke_.

“You...you were dead, Partner,” Yosuke whispered, finally. “If I hadn’t snapped out of it when I did you would have _stayed_ dead, and you would have ended up on some telephone pole somewhere, and I-”

“But I didn’t,” Souji butted in, and Yosuke realized that his cheeks were wet (again, for the second time today). “I didn’t, and I’m here, and so are you.”

“Yeah,” Yosuke agreed, trying and failing to keep his reply from sounding choked up. He looked down to avoid Souji’s eyes, ashamed of the fact that he was crying. “You know, I think...if you had died back there, I would have definitely followed you.” He heard Souji suck in an alarmed breath.

“Yosuke…”

“I wouldn’t have ever been able to forgive myself,” Yosuke continued. “Not after Saki-sempai. Not when I could have done something to stop it.”

Souji was quiet, staring at him for a long moment.

“How do you think I felt?” Souji asked, making Yosuke finally look up at him. “You were shielding me even though your arms were broken. I felt you stop breathing, Yosuke. I should have been paying attention...I could have prevented the whole thing from happening.”

Yosuke exhaled a long sigh. He wanted to tell Souji just how much he meant to him, that he wasn’t in any way kidding when he said he might have followed him into death - especially if he’d been the one that had killed him. Instead, he chickened out.

“I’m beat, Partner,” he said, flashing a grin that he knew didn’t extend to his eyes. “We should get cleaned up and get some sleep, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Souji agreed, and Yosuke followed him upstairs, and at Souji’s insistence he took the first shower. He tried not to look at his back in the mirror, he really did, but he couldn’t resist. It was pretty bad, even after healing, but he hoped that a lot of it was going to wash off in the shower. Big, ugly black and purple bruises had bloomed on both of his shoulders and upper arms, and he quickly discovered a patch of dried blood on the side of his head, which was painful to touch.

He really was lucky to be alive. It was a miracle.

His shower took longer than usual because it took him so long to be able to stand under the water without flinching away from the painful stinging sensation. After his shower he did feel much better, and his back looked almost like nothing had happened, aside from the fact that a large patch was a bit pinker than it should have been. He dressed in the black set of pajamas Souji was lending to him, making sure that his bruises were completely covered, and went back into Souji’s room with a big smile plastered on his face.

“Your turn! I made sure to leave some hot water for you,” he cheered. Souji looked up from where he’d been perched on the couch, looking haggard and worn thin and so unlike his usual self that it took all of the restraint Yosuke could muster not to go to him and...he didn’t know. Hug him? Comfort him? Instead he exchanged nods with Souji as the other boy passed him to go to his own shower.

Aware that if he sat down he would most likely pass out, Yosuke busied himself by flipping through some of the manga on Souji’s shelf - he’d never understand his partner’s weird tastes - but that proved to be not distracting enough and, sure enough, he felt his eyelids drooping. So he got up and inspected all of the figures and baubles and other things around the room. Souji had accumulated a lot during his stay here...it was actually kind of cute.

“What are you doing?” he heard Souji ask from the doorway, and yelped, nearly dropping the model robot he’d been inspecting. He managed to keep it in his grasp, only barely, and gently set it back down on the shelf.

“Sorry, Partner! You scared me!” he replied, sheepish. Souji shook his head at him, making his way over to stand next to him, hair damp and wearing fresh pajamas and looking much, much better than he had before.

“That took me two weeks to build,” he commented, reaching out and adjusting the robot so that it was, apparently, back in the exact right spot on his shelf. “I would have disowned you if you’d dropped it.”

“Aw, c’mon Partner!” Yosuke replied, and they finally looked each other in the face, breaking out into grins and chuckles when they did. It felt good to laugh, but it felt better to see Souji laughing after the heartbreaking and miserable and painful couple of days they’d just gone through.

“So, I’m beat,” Souji said, with a little sigh. “Do you want me to get the spare futon out? Or I can sleep on the couch and you can take mine.”

“I’ll sleep on the couch, Partner, it’s fine,” Yosuke started, but Souji shook his head, adamantly.

“I’m not letting you sleep on the couch after what you went through today,” he replied. Yosuke sighed, shaking his head.

“It’s _fine_ , Partner, you and Yukiko healed it all up!” he insisted. Souji reached out without warning and clamped a hand down on his right shoulder. He hadn’t been expecting it, so he couldn’t brace himself and, well, it hurt. He yelped.

“I’ll go get the spare futon,” he said, turning on his heel to go downstairs, and Yosuke sighed after him. But, in no time, Souji had lugged the futon and blankets upstairs, and the two futons were set up side-by-side, and Yosuke was climbing into the spare futon. He’d known he was tired and sore, but he just didn’t realize _how_ tired and sore he was until he was finally laying down on something nice and soft and comfortable. He fell asleep before Souji even turned off the light. 

* * *

> Souji was under him, and he had a kunai pressed against his throat, and he couldn’t move, couldn’t even breathe, even though he was trying so hard to get his arms to cooperate. And that voice was back, but this time it was booming everywhere through the foggy air and making his head vibrate with the sheer loudness of it.
> 
> _Kill him kill him kill him kill him_
> 
> He tried to scream, but nothing came out of his mouth, and Souji was starting to choke, blood was pouring out of his neck and forming a pool around the two of them as Yosuke’s body just kept pushing the kunai down.
> 
> _Kill him kill him kill him kill him_
> 
> “Partner, no, Partner, Souji, I’m so sorry, I can’t stop, I can’t control it, _I’m sorry, I’m sorry please don’t die please_ ,” he was sobbing, tears that felt like lava pouring down his cheeks. Souji went still below him, his eyes fading into pools of inky darkness, and he could see his reflection in them. His eyes were glowing gold.
> 
> _Yes my slave, yes, good job_
> 
> “No no no nononono NO-”
> 
> And then, suddenly, he was walking to school the next morning, bag slung over one shoulder. He had the passing thought that he should have been walking next to someone with silver hair and a nice smile and gorgeous silver eyes, when he saw something ahead of him looming in the distance. It was a telephone pole.
> 
> Souji was hanging from the telephone pole.
> 
> _Good job_
> 
> He dropped his bag and fell to his knees, horrified, as the entire world faded away and all he could see was his best friend’s corpse hanging there, his neck a mess of blood, his face twisted up in pain.
> 
> He screamed.

He sat bolt upright with a gasp, and for a few disorienting seconds, he wasn’t sure if he was dead or dreaming. A pained noise from his right brought him back to his senses, and he realized with a start that he was in Souji’s room, and Souji was next to him, curled up in his futon, and perfectly alive. And, evidently, having a nightmare. He was whimpering, and his face was drawn up in pain and fright, and he was clawing at his neck.

“Partner,” he said, reaching over and grabbing his shoulder, to try to jostle him awake. Souji’s eyes snapped open and he let out a frightened yelp, staring at Yosuke with sheer terror on his face, and he started to flail in the futon blanket. Yosuke let go immediately, standing up and backing away.

“Partner, it’s alright, you’re alive, I’m alive, and everything is fine,” he said, trying and failing to keep his voice calm as he watched his best friend scoot away to press his back against the opposite wall, eyes wide and terrified. Slowly, he made his way over to the wall, toward the light switch. He flipped on the light, and it seemed to startle Souji out of whatever nightmare-induced stupor he’d been in. He blinked, squinting against the sudden light.

“Y-Yosuke?” he called, timidly.

“You were having a nightmare,” Yosuke explained, remaining by the lightswitch. Souji inhaled and then exhaled a shaky breath.

“Yeah,” he said, on the exhale. Yosuke finally moved away from the wall, crossing the room and cautiously holding out a hand to Souji.

“Want to talk about it?” he asked. Souji nodded, reaching up to take the hand and letting Yosuke pull him up into a standing position. He seemed to hesitate for a second, and then without any sort of warning he threw his arms around Yosuke’s shoulders and buried his face in his neck. Yosuke tensed up, sucking in an alarmed breath, and he knew without needed to look that there was a blush flaming on his cheeks.

“Namatame was controlling you,” Souji started, the sound a little muffled because he hadn’t removed his face from where it was nestled in Yosuke’s collarbones. Yosuke shivered, feeling his mouth moving against him through the thin sleep-shirt. “He was making you try to kill me, just like earlier today, but I managed to make you snap out of it. And then you were protecting me from Chie and Yukiko and...and you died, and you didn’t come back. None of my healing magic worked. Nothing we did worked, and you stayed dead.”

He could feel wetness seeping into his shirt now. Souji was crying. _Souji_ was _crying_.

“And then you were strung up on a telephone pole, and then I was back in the TV world and your Shadow was trying to kill me the same way and I wanted to let him, but I had to save Nanako…”

Souji went quiet after that, still clinging to him and crying into his shoulder. Yosuke finally raised his arms and let one wrap around the other boy’s waist, trembling. The other went to cradle the back of his head, and he tried to pretend he wasn’t crying too, but it was hard not to when the normally unflappable Souji Seta was crying on him.

“I had a nightmare like that too,” he said, after a while. He had started combing his hand through Souji’s hair in what he hoped was a soothing motion. “Namatame was controlling me, and I didn’t break free in time and you died and I found you up on a telephone pole the next day.”

“We had the same nightmare,” Souji said, with a dry chuckle.

“I…” Yosuke started, but sighed. He had no idea what to say. Souji sighed too.

“Sorry for crying on you,” he mumbled. “And for hugging you like this. I know you don’t like it.”

“It’s okay,” Yosuke assured him, continuing to card his fingers through his surprisingly soft hair. “I can feel your heart beating and hear you breathing. I know you’re alive.”

“Yeah,” Souji replied. He finally started to pull away, but Yosuke, selfishly, tightened his arm around his waist to stop him. “...Yosuke?”

“I was so afraid I was going to lose you back there,” Yosuke admitted. “I know I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself, Partner. I’m so glad you’re okay. You…” he faltered, his hand going still in Souji’s hair, cradling his head. “You’re my best friend, you know? You mean so much to me, and I don’t want to think about what the world would be like without you in it.”

“Yosuke…” Souji responded. He sounded a little choked up, or at least Yosuke hoped that was what was making his voice sound a little deeper and gruffer. “Yeah. I feel the same way, Partner.” Yosuke definitely didn’t blush when he heard Souji call him that. He definitely didn’t feel a nice, pleasant, spine-tingling warmth settle in his gut. He absolutely didn’t have a crush on his best friend.

Souji made to pull away and this time Yosuke let him, helplessly looking up to meet his eyes. They were red-rimmed and still looked a little watery, and never before had the very slight height difference between them been so pronounced to Yosuke. He swallowed a little, trying to calm his nerves, and he couldn’t help but notice Souji’s eyes dip a little, as if they were following the movement of his adam’s apple. He found his eyes drifting down as well, and settling on Souji’s mouth. He absolutely didn’t have a crush on his best friend. He definitely didn’t want to kiss him, especially not now, after having seen him die in front of him _twice_ now.

He leaned forward and, to his shock and delight and terror, Souji mirrored him. His mouth was soft against Yosuke’s, and he felt Souji’s arms slip around him again, pulling him close. He could feel Souji’s heart pounding against his chest, feel him taking quick, shallow breaths. Souji was _alive_ , and Yosuke felt more alive now than he ever had before, standing in his best friend’s room at some ridiculous hour in the middle of the night, kissing him like his life depended on it. When Yosuke finally pulled away it was only because he needed to breathe. They stayed pressed close together, panting into the small amount of space between their mouths and looking at each-other in wonder and confusion and delight.

“What-” Souji started to ask, but Yosuke just shook his head.

“Let’s talk later,” he replied, and leaned back in for another kiss, which Souji enthusiastically reciprocated. He felt one of Souji’s hands slipping up from where he’d been gripping at Yosuke’s waist, smoothing along Yosuke’s spine, and Yosuke made a pleased noise into the kiss. One kiss turned into two or three, Yosuke couldn’t really tell when one ended and the next began, to be honest, because his head was buzzing and his stomach was fluttering and he was so happy, so nervous, so confused…

Eventually, he felt Souji move his hands up and tugged on his upper arms, leading them over to his abandoned futon without breaking the kiss at all. Another pull and Souji was sitting down on the futon and Yosuke was kneeling above him. He went willingly, kissing him enthusiastically, until he realized what position they’d ended up in - Souji on his back and Yosuke above him.

“Is this okay?” Yosuke asked, feeling a cold chill of terror clawing up his back. “What am I thinking, of course it isn’t, I’ll-” but Souji reached up and grabbed his hands as he retracted them, a fond, trusting smile on his face. He placed one hand beside his head on the futon and brought the other down to press against his throat. Yosuke drew in a panicked breath, but Souji just left his hand there, taking deep, measured breaths and letting him feel them.

“There isn’t a cut,” Souji assured him. He’d loosened his grip on Yosuke’s hand, drawing a thumb across the tops of his knuckles, soothing. “You healed it.”

“Yeah,” Yosuke managed to croak out. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. “But-”

“You can feel my pulse, too, can’t you?” Souji continued, ignoring his half-hearted protest. He took Yosuke’s fingers and positioned them right where his pulse was, indeed, definitely beating. Yosuke let out his held breath, letting his eyes drift closed for a moment and feeling Souji’s heart beating just as fast as his own heart was, feeling his chest expanding as he breathed. Souji’s grip on his hand returned and he pried it away from his neck, raising it up so he could press a kiss to Yosuke’s palm. Yosuke blushed, but didn’t try to move his hand, content to let Souji do whatever he wanted. Souji let go of Yosuke’s hand and instead reached up to pull him down by the back of his neck, kissing him hard. When he pulled away from this kiss, however, he yawned, prompting Yosuke to do the same. It was contagious. It also made Yosuke acutely aware of just how tired he was.

“We should get some sleep, Yosuke,” Souji said, and Yosuke nodded, yawning again despite himself. He started to move back, but Souji stopped him with a hand on his left shoulder, a fond smile on his lips. Yosuke got the hint, laying down and letting Souji cuddle up to him, head on his chest and arms wrapped loosely around his torso, leaving Yosuke to be the one to tug the blanket over the two of them, a blush dusting his cheeks. Despite the fact that the light was still on, they both fell asleep almost as soon as they got settled, sleeping peacefully and dreamlessly through the rest of the night and well into the morning, before being woken up by a flood of messages from their friends.

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, you can come yell at/with me about Persona (or anything really) on my tumblr: artikgato.tumblr.com


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